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PDBetty86
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Name: Ashley
Birthday: 4/21/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: I love Jesus! I am a CE major here at Biola Universtiy and am LOVING IT. DISNEYLAND (or "the park" as I like to call it) Creek park, volleyball, friends, roomies and sweeties ect! I now also have this amazing fiance, Matt... whom I love very much!
Expertise: Flying rubber chicken ball - (owner of the beloved Freddie!)
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  PDBetty86
AIM:  SisterAshley2004
Member Since:
8/27/2004
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| I am moving back home with my parents. Yeah…. I will be starting grad school on October 27th to get my teaching credentials and masters in English. It is funny that my choice of major at the beginning of my Biola career is the one that I may very well end up with. God works in mysterious ways, and this journey has been hard. I would have never considered moving home had not several things happened, and God literally throwing all of the doors open for me. It is with a heavy, painful heart, that I walk this new direction God has given me to go. I feel like I am giving up on ministry, I feel like I am taking 10 steps backwards, I feel as if I am in high school again with a curfew and all that goes with moving home. I have practically no friends here in the desert, it is a lonely place for me. Matt is gone, he is in Porterville during the week and home on weekends. I feel like Matt and I have had to take more steps back to get to a place where we can get married. I don’t want to be home. I am withdrawn here, I feel as if a part of me dies. My two weeks is in at Disney, my last day will be on Halloween. Moving home is going to take some good swallowing of pride, and prayer that God would provide for me a good community. It is not easy to reenter a community you have been absent from for over 4 years, but it is something I must do. My mom is still only able to bend her knee 20 degrees. Her therapy is going… well, slow, and painful but the results will be good. I will miss everyone at Biola, I will miss the freedom of my apartment, I will miss being close to Matt, I will miss the weather, I will miss Disneyland, I will miss a great many things, the greatest of these being the community that I need. Trying to find/reenter one in the desert is not going to be easy, especially with all of the bible studies on nights I have classes. For those of you in the Biola area, I will be around some weekends. Especially during basketball season, and to visit Matt, also I’m not moving out of my apartment until the end of November… so I will be around some J | | |
| How is it that one word can cause so much trouble and pain. A word that is supposed to mean joy, and celebration. If I literally mention the fact that I am getting married and attach any sort of time frame with it... my parents go BALLISTIC. They whole conversation goes from happy good natured conversation to concern, distance and how do I put it... disappointment. As many of you know, Matt and I have been trying to set a wedding date for a very long time now. I mean this week we hit 18 months of engagement. You would think that after that much time, my parents would be more "used" to the idea. Apparently not. Now I know that they want the best for me and don't want us to get married until we are "ready". Which means that they want Matt to have his BA degree. That isn't going to happen any time soon. He is setting school aside and pursuing a different career path, in which I completely support him. It is to the point where I don't even care about having a wedding. Do I want one? of course.
(However, it is soon going to come to a point where I DON'T CARE. I never thought I wouldn't care about having a wedding... but I don't. All I want is to be married to the man God has chosen for me. I love him with all my heart, and it is becoming progressively more difficult to not be married. I would elope next weekend but we can't support ourselves at this point. Hopefully that will change soon.)
I really wish that my parents would stop freaking out. I have been telling myself that all they needed was time. In time they would let us get married... in time they would figure out that this isn't going away and that I am ACTUALLY getting married. I was under the assumption that they would let us get married in the next year. After a conversation today with my mom, I am now convinced that they would have us wait another 5 years if they got their way. Why do parent's have to frustrate their children so? How come my parents wont help me? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?
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So I’m on my way home to grab dinner and then head off to
assist with wedding like things. Matt
and I carpooled and we were discussing a frustrating topic of late, Money. As some of you may know money has been pretty
tight of late. I said that I needed $200
for an unexpected expense, and while I had some in my savings to cover it, it
would mean that if anything else came up, I would be in serious trouble. I have been living on around 2-4$ a day
lately and it is no easy task. Starting
to make my mac n cheese dinner, Matt handed me an envelope that was on the
coffee table. I was surprised to see a
letter from this particular person. I
opened it and in it was a check for that exact amount that I needed. A friend wrote me a $200 dollar check and had
an encouragement note in it. I am so
overwhelmed by God’s grace. Only He
could so carefully plan this. I only
found out about the expense today.
Before I even had time to worry about it, God took me in His arms and
said here, I will take care of you just like I promised. What a tangible expression of God’s
love. To this friend: THANK YOU!!!
Thank you for listening to God and taking action. To my friends: TRUST THE LORD. God is good, all the time. ALL the time.
I am so blessed.
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| So much has happened in my life. God is stretching me so much right
now, its to a point where I feel like I'm going to snap. I am so
thankful for Matt, I know he feels so helpless in this situation right
now. I am so thankful that he will sit next to me, hold me and then
pray for me. What a huge blessing in my life. I sit here with my cup
of noodles, wondering how and when God is going to provide for me. I
know He will, its not a question of that, it is when and how. It also
is a matter of will I let Him. I am so proud, I hate admitting I need
help. I hate admitting that if I don't find a second job or a better
one soon, I will be forced to move home and live with my parents. I
will be forced to make a new life for myself back where I grew up and
will be far away from the people i love who support me the most. I
don't know if that's God's plan... to force me to move home. Or if He
just wants me to trust him. I'm so mixed right now, and I'm so ... *le
sighhhhhhhh* I have no idea what is going on and I'm just trusting and
praying and praying and trusting and I"m not sure what He will do,
which is always scary. Please pray for me, as God is pulling me and
molding me and I feel as if I am barely holding on. Yet I know that He
will be there to catch me if I can't. | | |
| As many of you know, I have lost many people in my life. Here is someone that I grew up with. Went on family vacation with many summers, was in church choir with, and shared many fond memories as our families were close growing up.
This is the short story of Lindsey
Please pray. I know that God can heal her, but even if He doesnt, pray that He would use her life and death to greatly impact those around her. If you are thinking that this family looks familiar... you may be right, they were the poster family for forest home for the promo video for about 5 years or so for the family camp. They are just that kind of family.
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